More people are coming out as grayse*ual, and the term covers those who only feel se*ual attraction sometimes, or under specific conditions. It’s also written as greyse*ual, gray ace, or grey ace.
WebMD says grayse*ual people experience attraction rarely, weakly, or under certain circumstances. It’s described as so low in intensity that it doesn’t feel necessary in relationships.
The Ase*ual Visibility and Education Network explained: “experience se*ual attraction very rarely, only under specific circumstances, or of an intensity so low that [it] is ignorable and not a necessity in relationships.” They place it in the space between ase*uality and se*uality.
Therapist Shadeen Francis told a major men’s magazine: “I feel like I experience attraction occasionally, but only in particular contexts” or “Maybe I like certain kinds of activities, but I’m repulsed by or turned off by others.”
Grayse*uality is part of the broader ase*ual spectrum. It acts as a kind of middle ground between those who don’t feel attraction and those who do more often.
There are three types of ase*uality used to describe different experiences. Se*-repulsed is when someone is turned off or uninterested, se*-neutral means they don’t mind but don’t seek it out, and se*-positive is when someone may be ase*ual but still enjoy it.
Grayse*ual people can fall into any of those categories while still only rarely feeling attraction. These labels aren’t strict and don’t have to apply in every way.
Counselor Eric Marlowe Garrison said the labels are meant to give freedom, not create rules. You don’t have to fit every single part of the description to use the term.
There’s also a difference between se*ual attraction and libido. Attraction is about being drawn to someone specifically, while libido is more of a general need for release.
Experts told Healthline libido is like “the need to scratch an itch.” That helps explain how someone can feel one without the other.
Some people call it mixed or cross orientation when a grayse*ual person has a different romantic attraction. They might be biromantic, aromantic, heteroromantic, or something else.
Grayse*ual people still build relationships like anyone else, but they might not see attraction the same way. Some date other grayse*uals and some are with people who feel attraction more often.
Francis said: “How you both feel, what you both like and don’t like, and what you both want to do – or not do.” She said it helps to have partners who are “patient, communicative, curious, and respectful of boundaries.”
Se* may not be important to them at all, and that’s fine. They can still have strong and loving relationships.
The grayse*ual identity has grown in the community. The 2019 Ace Community Census found that about 10 percent of ace-spectrum responses were gray-ase*uals, which was the second most common.
There’s also a flag just for grayse*uality. The colors are purple for ase*uality, white for allose*uality, and gray to show the space between.
