Any parent will tell you that having good grandparents in their children’s life is truly a blessing. Grandparents often help parents without asking for anything in return. For most, the joy of visiting with their grandchildren is a reward in and of itself. In fact, most grandparents have a reputation for spoiling their grandkids with gifts, treats, and of course, affection. Whenever a child is going to visit their grandparents, they know they can expect a vacation from all their worries in a much less strict environment than at school or home. This relationship is priceless — or so we thought.
However, one grandmother decided to send her daughter a hefty invoice after she babysat her granddaughter. After receiving the surprising invoice, the mom sought advice from the Ask Amy Column. She wrote the letter using the title “Burned by Grandma.” Saying:
“I sent a cheque for $300 to my mother to cover my daughter’s expenses during her visit.”
“Upon my daughter’s return, my mother sent me an invoice for $475.50 for additional expenses, including the cost of gas to and from the airport to transport her (45 minutes away), train tickets to go to the city to a museum and the cost of the museum admission.”
In the letter, the mom explains how she was flabbergasted and angry over her mother’s insensitive actions.
She even indicated that she was thinking about severing ties between her daughter and the girl’s grandmother, stating that the incident was costly, both “financially and emotionally.” She also noted that those excursions were at the grandmother’s discretion, not hers and that $475 was way too much for “extras.”
After the daughter paid her mom what she thought was a reasonable expense for her child’s visit to grandma’s, she felt like her mom took advantage of her and doubled the cost.
The woman also mentioned how when her mom lived with them for four months, they paid all of her expenses. Part of those expenses also included a fancy vacation. But after she had been so generous, she felt as though her mom being petty and greedy.
The woman then explained that her mother is a single, retired college professor.
“My mother is a single woman (a retired college professor), and we have never asked her to pay for anything.”
She added:
“Now I feel she has taken advantage of my generosity, and I don’t trust her to spend time with my daughter because it is just too costly for me (financially and emotionally).”
None of this seems to add up, because if her mom was a retired college professor, then she should be living a pretty comfortable lifestyle if she lived responsibly. Nevertheless, it is still pretty strange for a grandparent to request that they finance their grandchildren’s visits.
Ask Amy replied to the letter saying that it would help if she also promised to talk to her mother directly.
Ask, Amy said:
“Is your mother financially insecure? Is she worried about maintaining her own lifestyle in retirement? These are legitimate concerns.”
“But is there a legitimate reason she couldn’t stay within the reasonable $300 budget, spending over twice that amount?”
The column also suggested that maybe there was more behind the grandmother’s motives for sending her the hefty invoice.
“Is this itemized bill her passive-aggressive way of telling you that she doesn’t actually want to host your daughter for such a long visit?”
Ask Amy also advised that the daughter decide whether or not she wants to maintain the “costly relationship,” advising her to figure out if allowing her child to visit her grandma is worth it in the end.
Ask Amy wrote:
“Because your mother seems to communicate through monetizing relationships, you’ll simply have to decide whether this relationship between grandmother and granddaughter is one you can afford to foster.”
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