The dynamics in any family are sometimes going to make things very difficult for everyone involved. Family problems tend to be some of the biggest problems, and that is the case in the following story.
The woman in this story had some issues in her family and she made a big decision. She decided that she wasn’t going to leave anything to her biological daughter and everything was going to go to her goddaughter.
Although she made the decision, she wasn’t sure if she was making one that was good or bad. That is when she decided to post her story online and get some feedback.
I (45f) divorced my ex-husband when my daughter “Kelly” (21f) was around 12 after I caught him cheating for the second time. Literally everyone was against it and I knew the In-Laws wouldn’t like it because they’re traditional conservatives who didn’t want to deal with the public scandal, but it was hurtful to me that my own family was trying to pressure me to stay in the marriage in order to not loose access to the money and perks my ex had provided.
Example(s): While we were married my ex helped my brother get a nice job with a high salary and nice benefits, paid-off my sister’s credit card debts, and bought my parents really lavish gifts.
The first time I caught him cheating I wanted out back then but my family convinced me to forgive him and that I owed it to Kelly to fight for her to have the stability of a two-parent household. My daughter was only a few weeks old at the time and I was in a very vulnerable state at the time, so I agreed and felt so stupid when my ex did it again but this time there wasn’t a “you weren’t performing your wifely duties since you got pregnant” excuse anymore. This time I wasn’t going to be deterred and continued with the divorce.
In truth, I wanted to keep Kelly out of this as much as possible but my In-Laws and my own parents poisoned her against me by painting me as a hypocrite for telling her how important forgiveness is but that I wasn’t willing to forgive Daddy even when he was really sorry. I was distraught. I honestly don’t think I would’ve made it through if it weren’t for my best friend “Tina” who was my rock. In the end I got a nice settlement and some alimony, but didn’t get custody. I tried my hardest to still be in Kelly’s life but by the time she was a teen she was fully convinced that I was the bad guy and told the courts she didn’t want to see me anymore. I was heartbroken but kept reaching out. During that time I also managed to go back to school (I was studying Accounting) and managed to get a high-paying job of my own and have a nice life for myself.
The same can’t be said for my ex who was sued by a former employee and fired by his company. Because he was so embarrassed my ex burned through his savings trying to keep up his lifestyle, which included Kelly’s college fund. Suddenly she wanted contact again, and I won’t lie and say that I wasn’t hurt at the idea of her only wanting contact was for my money and agreed to pay for her to go to grad school on the condition that she sign an agreement that she won’t contest my will where I’m leaving most of what I owned to Tina’s daughter “Laura” (18f). The few relatives that I’m still on good terms with think that this will damage any chance at rebuilding a relationship with Kelly and that I should just split everything equally. However, I don’t want to have the type of relationship with Kelly that I feel like I have to pay for. AITA?
Edit: Because I keep this in comments and messages I’ll clarify here as best I can while still trying to maintain some privacy.
I didn’t get custody but I did get visitation and when Kelly was 14-15 she told the courts she didn’t want to visit me anymore.
My ex came from money and had a good income which meant he had better lawyers and the aid of my brother and parents during the divorce.
Not too long after the divorce my brother lost his job. I’m not sure what happened and I never cared to ask.
I’m NC with my brother and VLC with my parents and sister.
Tina is my documented POA should there ever be a situation where I can’t make legal decisions for myself and vice versa.
Alimony is not child support so that’s why I was able to get it.
