Every parent has to make decisions as to how they will raise their children. In some cases, those decisions are not going to line up with the feelings of others but they still have the right to make the choice if they aren’t hurting the child in the process.
Some parents will be very strict with their children, enforcing the rules and even offering discipline if the child steps outside of the lines. On the other hand, there are other parents who will be more relaxed in their parenting style and tend to focus more on understanding and gentleness.
Emma is a new mother who tends to focus on the gentler side, but her style of parenting doesn’t necessarily line up with others. In fact, she is often criticized for her choices. Here’s what she had to say:
I’ve always admired your platform as a reliable source where people freely express their opinions on various topics. In the past, I’ve often engaged with others’ posts on your page, offering advice and sharing my perspectives on the stories shared. Now I’m seeking opinions from your audience in the situation with my son.
My son, Georgie, is 8 years old. All my life, I knew that I wanted to have children. When I found out I was pregnant, I decided to break the cycle in my family by adopting a less adversarial style of parenting.
Growing up under the strict rule of my parents, I’ve come to understand the consequences of such an authoritarian upbringing. It wasn’t just tough for me, it affected everyone in our household. The constant pressure led to anxiety, and my self-esteem suffered. My relationships with parents were strained.
It took me years to realize the toll this environment had on my mental well-being. But as I grew older, I made a conscious effort to confront these challenges. It’s important to find a balance between discipline and understanding in raising children.
That is why I want to create a nurturing environment for my son, one that prioritizes love, respect, and open communication. So he doesn’t have to go through the same hardships as I did. But my husband does not agree with this approach in raising a child. He believes that Georgie should understand social norms and the consequences of his actions.
One thing I’ve decided is that I will never force my child to apologize or say thank you and please. I truly believe that this approach can psychologically traumatize him.
When we make kids say sorry, even if they don’t really mean it, we’re teaching them to be fake. Your child might not genuinely feel sorry for what they did, and that’s alright. It takes time for kids to learn empathy and realize how their actions affect others.
Forced apologies teach kids that other people’s feelings matter more than their own. Sometimes, when we argue or have a problem, we need time to calm down and think about what we did wrong. This thinking helps us see our part in the problem and admit our mistakes.
When we rush to make kids say sorry, we don’t give them this time to think. We also tell them to ignore how they feel and only focus on the other person. This might lead to grown-ups who always try to please others, struggle to speak up for themselves, and don’t know how to get what they need. That’s why Georgie doesn’t give false apologies.
When Georgie pushed another kid at the playground, instead of forcing him to apologize, I came to this kid and apologized myself instead. I believe that Georgie would watch my example and learn acceptable behavior in that situation.
This incident at the playground only escalated our argument with my husband about parenting. He insists on stricter methods, but I don’t agree with him. Some people, thinking about good parenting, might use force or even be mean to control what their child does, all to protect their own reputation. They might do this because they feel unsure or scared.
I want to be a friend to my son, help him understand his emotions, and navigate life together. This way of relating helps the child learn about freedom and responsibility and how they affect others. I don’t ignore my authority; I just don’t consider myself superior to my son.
Georgie and I already share a strong bond, and if I feel overwhelmed, I’ll explain to him that I need some time alone. Now that he’s learning from me, he’ll let me know if he needs space.
Despite always having confidence in my parenting methods and seeing positive results, constant criticism from my husband and other parents has made me question my decisions.
