Divorce is a fact of life for many families. Sometimes, we are able just to roll with the punches but at other times, we may have to reach out to others for comfort and assistance.
That was the case with a 25-year-old man that was watching his parents go through a divorce. The unfortunate thing that happened, however, was that his mother was diagnosed with a terminal illness not long after the divorce proceeding started.
He said:
I’m a 25 year old guy and my parents were in the process of divorcing when my mother got diagnosed with a terminal illness. After the diagnosis, my father stalled the divorce proceedings.
My father filed for divorce after 26 years of marriage after he fell in love with his younger business partner. She recently gave birth to his child.
My mother was a stay at home mom for 25 years who took care of the entire household while my father worked long hours.
She was blindsided when my father told her about wanting a divorce. He told her that he would always love her as his best friend and as the mother of his 5 children, but he was also in love with this other woman.
My mother was devastated and stopped eating properly.
In the middle of the divorce, she was diagnosed with terminal illness and was only given a few months to live.
All this time, we, her children have looked after her. I took her to her appointments and we paid for the treatment by taking loans. We didn’t ask our father for money, even though he was willing to cover the expenses. Legally, at the time of her death she was still married to my father.
During her last days, my father had to move to another city to be there for his daughter’s birth. My uncle made a facebook post asking for blood donation (she has a rare blood type) and stated that she was critical. When my dad got to know about it, he immediately flew down to our city.
When he showed up to the hospital, he was in a bad shape. His clothes were unkempt. He wanted to see my mother one last time. I told him that there was no use of that as she was unconscious. He begged and cried in front of everyone, I still didn’t allow him to meet her. (The hospital authorities let her family decide who was allowed to visit her)
My mother passed away the next morning. He still didn’t leave and wanted to be there for the funeral and memorial service. We banned him from attending.
I believe that he lost the right to see her in her pain when he was the one who caused her immeasurable pain. My buddy tells me that me and (my mother’s family) are the assholes for not letting him see her one last time.
Edit : I want to make some facts clear –
When my father told my mother that he was in love with his business partner and wanted a divorce, the other woman was already pregnant with his child.
I was/am her legal representative (edit : Power of Attorney, to make things clear ). I had the legal right to deny visitors. My mother’s entire family supported me in my decision to not let him see her. My grandma wanted the same. My siblings wanted the same.
Edit 2 :
3) During her last days, when she was in the hospice, she got to a stage where she could no longer communicate verbally. And she never expressed anything about wanting our father there.
In fact, she didn’t mention him at all.
4) I realize that this means the end of my relationship with our father. I have accepted that and I have no interest in pursuing a future relationship with him, his new woman or his child. My siblings are on the same page.
We have accepted the fact that we have lost two parents forever.
I plan to be there for my younger siblings as their pillar of support.
