When you live in a different part of the world from someone else, there is going to be a disconnect. Sometimes we are able to overcome this but at other times, it may show up in the strangest ways.
Many people who live outside of America find this to be true when they speak to somebody who lives in America. Sometimes Americans will say the strangest things to non-Americans, just because of the disconnect that exists.
These issues can be hilarious if you look at them in the right way. We have 27 for you here that should not be missed.
1. Please Don’t Lie, Sir
At customs in LAX [Los Angeles International Airport]:
Customs Agent: Where are you from?
Me: Denmark.
CA : Sir, please don’t lie about your nationality.
Me: Excuse me?
CA: Denmark isn’t a real country; now please tell me your country of origin.
Me: Sir, you are literally holding my passport, which is from Denmark, in your hand. How can you sit there and tell me that my country doesn’t exist?!
CA: Sir, Denmark is a region of Sweden, and not a recognized independent nation.
The Swedes would be fond of this encounter.
2. This Just Doesn’t Translate
Englishman, living in the US for 15 years now. I’ve been asked a lot of bizarre things, but one of the best was someone who asked what language we speak in England, and how long it took me to learn English when I moved here.
3. Where To Even Start?
I was asked if France is part of the United Kingdom. When I tried explaining to him what the United Kingdom is, he told me England is no longer part of the UK because of Brexit.
4. They Don’t Have It There
I’m British, was traveling in the States. Got talking to a guy at a bar while we were waiting for service, and he recommended I try a pint of Guinness while in the US. He informed me they don’t sell Guinness in the UK.
I politely explained that they do indeed have Guinness in just about every pub in the UK. He disagreed, adding that he’s never been himself, but his son-in-law went to London on business and told him so. I explained I’d lived in the UK including London my whole life. He looked at me lost in thought for a few moments, and said, “They don’t have Guinness there,” and walked away.
5. A Question About City Planning
A few Americans have asked me, “Why did they build Edinburgh Castle so close to the train tracks?” Not like it’s been there for many centuries before trains were ever thought of.
6. You’re Saying That Wrong
Had an American try to explain me I was pronouncing “Gouda” wrong. I’m from a small town in the Netherlands close to Gouda, so I’m glad he enlightened me.
7. How Was The Trip?
Had a taxi driver in New York ask how we got there (from Ireland). When we said by plane, he was like, “You have airports?!”
Also thought we were still getting around on horses.
8. Let’s Go Shopping
When I visited a friend in the US they told me about this amazing furniture shop they had there called IKEA. I’m Swedish.
9. Nope, Not Possible
After telling the guy sitting next to me on a plane I was an Australian Aboriginal:
Guy: Wait, Aboriginal means you are Indigenous to that country.
Me: Yes.
Guy: That can’t be possible…
Me: Ummm, why?
Guy: Because the British were the first people to settle Australia; they are white and you are brown. You must be Polynesian.
Me: Let me tell you a little story that goes back 60,000 years…
10. We Rule You
I met an American tourist who was adamant that my country [Iceland] was a home-ruled territory under the US government.
He said this during our nation’s Independence Day.
11. Speaking ‘American’
“Wow, you speak American very well for a foreigner.”
Thanks lady, I’m Canadian and “American” is the only language I know.
12. Cuba, Spain, Same Thing
“I didn’t know it was this cold in Cuba.” We are in Spain. Spain, Europe. Stupid [guy] came to university here on a scholarship for six months and didn’t even know which country he was coming in to, nor thought it was strange how long the flight was. He also didn’t think about Googling the place to see where it was, the weather… dunno, INFORMATION about the place he was going to live for six months.
Only packed flip-flops, T-shirts, and shorts. We’re in the north of Spain; we have UK weather. He had to spend quite a bit for winter clothes in October because he had nothing to wear. He was also bummed because he couldn’t find tacos here (you can).
13. New And Old Collide
I was a volunteer tour guide in Alexandria, Egypt, for a couple of years, and I got a lot of interesting comments.
Some of my favorites from Americans:
“Wow, you have computers in Egypt?”
“We came to see the REAL library. You know, the old one.”
“Why don’t people in the street speak English?”
“Where can I get some normal food?”
And my personal favorite: “How did the ancient Egyptians learn before the Greeks taught them how to read?”
14. Thanks, But No Thanks
“I should find a yoga instructor who was trained in US, because they are the only ones who know how to train you in authentic yoga poses.”
I am an Indian living in India.
15. You’ll Speak Like I Tell You To Speak
I am white. I’m French Canadian. I was once told to “speak white” by an American… because I said “bonjour” rather than “hi” to a customer coming in the restaurant. IN QUÉBEC!
16. It All Comes Back To The Fuhrer
I met an American who was convinced that we [Germans] weren’t allowed to say anything bad about Hitler as he was our “big leader” and that every German looks up to him.
17. What Not To Say To A South African
“I love the African-American culture here!”
– said in Cape Town, South Africa
18. An American Exclusive
An Austrian friend and I were told about this magical thing they have in America called “fireworks” and how we should go see it at least once in our lives.
19. ‘I Have Been There!’
Conversation at a college party:
Me: (something random)
Girl: I hear an accent, where are you from?
Me: Mexico.
Girl: Cool! I have been there!
Me: Nice! What part?
Girl: Guatemala!
20. Dogs Don’t Speak German
I was on a student exchange between my German school and a school in San Francisco in the late ’90s.
When the Americans came to visit us, we had a welcome party for them at a friend’s place. That friend had a dog, and at some point he gave the dog a command in German. The dog obeyed, and one of the American kids asks how we managed to teach German to the dog.
He wasn’t joking either; he seemed convinced that all pets are somehow born with knowledge of the English language, but all other languages need to be taught to them.
21. I Thought You Got Back Together
“Wait, your country is still separated? I thought you guys united after the Cold War ended!”
Korean btw.
22. Be Careful What You Wish For
On safari in Tanzania, an American demanded, “Make the lion attack!”
23. Everyone Celebrates The Fourth Of July
As a Brit, I had to bite my tongue when asked, “Do you celebrate Independence Day?”
24. No Buses Needed
“Do you guys actually ride elephants and giraffes to school??”
My American acquaintance I met while playing Roblox with my younger sister asked me (a South African) this and it still annoys me.
25. I’m Telling My Mom You’re A Liar
Canadian here. I was 7 and in Florida telling my new also 7-year-old friend about our money system. I told her we don’t have [$1] or [$2] bills; they are coins and called a loonie and a toonie. She goes and asks her parents and they told her I was lying.
26. Where’s That?
My wife was staying at a hostel in Athens a few years ago. She shared a room with an American in her 20s. They got talking about where they’ve stayed in the past, and my wife told her that she used to live in Sweden for a few years. The American didn’t know where or what Sweden was.
My wife said, “It’s a country, next to Norway.”
“Oh, Norway!” the American burst out. “Ole is from there! Do you know Ole?!”
27. What’s The Little Sink For?
I’m Italian and my uncle is American. A few times we had his friends over (from an Army base in the town) and one of them asked me, “What’s up with that tiny sink in your toilet?”
It was the bidet.
