Daljinder Kaur and Mohinder Singh Gill, her husband, who is a farmer, have been married for 46 long and happy years. However, even though they’re happily married and have a good life together, something was missing: a child to love. But there was one problem. Dajinder’s age. Even though she doesn’t have an actual birth certificate, she estimates that she’s in her 70s. Her doctor, fertility specialist Dr. Anurag Bishnoi, estimates her age as 72.
“She has said she is five to seven years younger than her husband, and his birth certificate shows that he was born on 12/04/1937,” said Dr. Anurag Bishnoi.
There’s another layer to this story. Daljinder’s brother and his wife are also childless, leaving the family without children and heirs, and at risk of losing their entire family history and legacy. Furthermore, in India, infertility is viewed by many people as a curse from God. There’s actually a stigma attached to it, much as there is in the rest of the world, including Western countries. But in India, there are also important financial reasons for having children.
“They also had some family problems. A person who is infertile is not given a piece of land or any property by his father,” Dr. Bishnoi explained that Gill had to fight his father in court. “He won, and then he got this piece of land and he got the money for the treatment.”
Something heartbreaking happened in the 1980s. The couple adopted a boy who later went to study in the United States. He has never returned, so it’s like he was never a part of the family, breaking Dajinder and Monhinder’s hearts.
But something happened to give them hope. Daljinder saw an ad on television for in-vitro fertilization (IVF). For the first time, she realized that she may actually be able to have a baby.
“When we saw the [IVF] advertisement, we thought we should also give it a try as I badly wanted to have a baby of my own.”
They didn’t care about the cost. They wanted a baby, no matter what it would cost them.
“Money does not matter to me,” Kuar declared. “I wanted my own child at any cost and today I am a mother.”
Daljinder finally began fertility treatment (they used donor eggs), and just two years later, she and her husband became the proud parents of a beautiful baby boy. They named him Arman.
“God heard our prayers. My life feels complete now,” Dajinder said. “I am looking after the baby all by myself. I feel so full of energy. My husband is also very caring and helps me as much as he can.”
At first, Dr. Bishnoi was somewhat reluctant to perform fertility treatments on Daljinder because she’s in her 70s. However, all of her medical tests showed she was exceptionally healthy, so he decided this family had the right to have a baby. A series of tests that included stringent cardio checks proved that she was as healthy as a middle-aged woman.
“For them, it is a time of great happiness. Especially because her brother, also, didn’t have any children. They were two families and both didn’t have children. In Indian law, they don’t allow adoption after 45 years of age.”
Many critics think this couple should not be allowed fertility treatment because of how old Dakjinder is. In fact, the head of the Indian Society for Assisted Reproduction, Dr. Narendra Malhotra, said this:
“This child is going to be an orphan in a few years. And there are serious risks for the mother. She can die during pregnancy. Just because we can do something doesn’t mean we should do it, just to make world records.”
He went as far as to suggest that the world will judge India harshly for letting such an old woman have IVF treatment. However, Dr. Bishnoi has a response to that and it’s very progressive.
“My point is if you put a restriction of 45 or 50 years [on giving IVF treatment], you will have to put a restriction on the males also. If they are talking about ethics, the age should be the same for both.”
If you think about it, it’s actually very common in most parts of the world for men to father children when they’re well into their 70s, 80s, and even 90s. So saying that this baby will soon be an orphan makes no sense unless you also include the men, not just target the women.
It’s not all been easy, however. An update from Practical Parenting said that now that the proud parents are a few years in, they’re having trouble keeping up with their active toddler. Kaur has suffered from weakening joints and high blood pressure since Armaan’s birth.
“My blood pressure has suffered and I get tired very easily now. I’ve seen several doctors but they just give me medicines and a diet plan,” she said. “My body can’t take it. It’s been harder than I thought. I’m worried for Armaan. I have to take care of my health but I have to care of Armaan too.”
But that hasn’t diminished their joy. The couple couldn’t be happier.
“I love him. He is a friendly child and smiles at everyone. This makes things very easy for me because I can be at ease when someone is around.”
It’s hard raising a child no matter what age you are. Raising kids is just hard (but rewarding) work.
Also, even though it’s hard raising a toddler, the happy couple refused to bring in outside childcare help.
“I spend all day with him. We decided not to get any help. He loves his father a lot. He’s always in his arms if I’m busy cooking or doing housework.”
Most people believe that this loving couple deserves to have a child.
“We plan to give him the best of everything when he grows up,” he said.
The fact is that life is uncertain. Even young parents can die, which would leave their children as orphans, too. It happens all the time.
“We cannot thank God and our doctor enough for blessing us with a baby boy,” Kaur said.
We think baby Arman will grow up in a very loving home and be a healthy, well-adjusted child.